More Chuckles
Bedroom Golf
Man vs Cookie dough
Women vs. Beer
Gravy Ladle
Hedgehog
12 REASONS WHY COOKIE DOUGH IS BETTER THAN MEN
It's enjoyable hard or soft
It make a mess too, but it tastes better
It's "Quick and Convenient"
You always want to swallow
It won't complain if you chew on it
You won't get arrested if you eat it in public
You never have unwanted cookie dough following you around
You don't have to change the sheets if you eat it in bed
You can make it as large as you want
You don't have to find an excuse not to eat it
It won't wake you up because it's hard
It already comes protectively wrapped
25 GOOD REASONS WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN
1. You can enjoy a beer all month long.
2. Beer stains wash out.
3. You don't have to wine and dine beer.
4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while you play football.
5. When you beer goes flat, you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
8. Hangovers go away.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. You don't have to drive a beer home in the morning.
13. A beer won't get upset if you come home with another beer.
14. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.
15. A beer always goes down easy.
16. You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty.
17. You can share a beer with your friends.
18. You always know you're the first to pop a beer.
19. Beer is always wet.
20. Beer doesn't demand equality.
21. You can have a beer in public.
22. A beer doesn't care when you come.
23. A frigid beer is a good beer.
24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
25. If you change beers you don't have to pay alimony.
The Rules of Bedroom Golf
1.
Each player must furnish his own equipment for play, usually one club and two balls.
2.
Play on a course must be approved by the course owner.
3.
Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole, and keep the balls out of the hole.
4.
For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are allowed to verify shaft stiffness before play begins.
5.
Course owners are allowed to restrict club length to avoid damage to the course.
6.
The player must make as many strokes as required by the course owner.
Failure to do so may result in denied permission to play the course in the future.
7.
It is considered bad form to begin play immediately upon arrival. The player is expected to admire the entire course, paying special attention to the bunkers.
8.
Players must come prepared with rain gear should the need arise.
9.
Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing.
10.
Players should confirm that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when the course is being played for the first time. Previous players may become irate if they learn a course they considered being private is being played by other members.
11.
Players should not assume that a course is in shape for play at all times. Players are advised to be cautious when the course is under repair. More experienced players will find alternative means of play (or courses) when this phenomenon occurs.
12.
Players are advised to ask the course owners permission prior to attempting to play the back nine.
13.
Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the request of the course owner.
14.
It is considered an outstanding performance to play a hole several times in one match.
15.
The course owner is the sole judge of who the best player is.
16.
Players are encouraged to think deeply prior to signing membership contracts.
17.
The rules at a particular course are subject to change..
Gravy Ladle
In France, the young assistant priests do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the priest and his housekeeper. One day the priest invited his new young assistant priest to have dinner at the rectory. While being served, the young priest noticed how shapely and lovely the housekeeper was and down deep in his heart he wondered if there was more between the priest and the housekeeper. After the meal was over, the Middle-aged priest assured the young priest that everything was purely professional...that she was the housekeeper and cook and that was that. About a week later the housekeeper came to the priest and said, "Father, ever since the new assistant came for dinner I have not been able to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?" The priest said, "Well, I doubt it but I'll write him a letter." So he sat down and wrote, "Dear Father, I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle and I'm not saying you did not take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that it has been missing since you were here for dinner." The young assistant received the letter and he answered it as follows: "Dear Father priest, I'm not saying that you do sleep with the housekeeper and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with the housekeeper. But I do know for sure that if you slept in your own bed you would find the gravy ladle."
THE HEDGEHOG CAN NEVER BE BUGGERED AT ALL.
Bestiality sure is a fun thing to do
But I have to say this as a warning to you:
With almost all animals, you can have ball
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
The spines on his back are too sharp for a man
They'll give you a pain in the worst place they can
The result I think you'll find will appall:
The hedgehog can never be buggered at all!
Mounting a horse can often be fun
An elephant too; though he weighs half a ton
Even a mouse (though his hole is quite small)
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
The spines on his back are so awful thick
you'll end up with naught but a painful prick.
He has an impregnable hole when curled up in a ball,
Hence the hedgehog can never be buggered at all!
Screwing a cow while she goes moo-moo
Will be entertaining to both her and you
Or you might try a tiger, if you have enough gall
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
A fish is refreshing, although a bit wet
And a cat or a dog can be more than a pet
Even a giraffe (despite being so tall)
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
You can manage a snake, though its poison might kill
It's amazing how humping a camel will thrill
You can go with a snail if you slow to a crawl
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
You can ravish a sloth but it would take all night
With a shark it is faster, but the darned beast might bite
We already mentioned the horse, you may recall
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
You can roger a skunk if you can stand the smell
Or even an oyster, should he let go of his shell
A troll can be rocky if down you should fall
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
For slippery fun, you can cornhole an otter
Or pego a pig after parting his trotters
Or tumble a tapir, though the prospect appall
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
For prosimian fun, you can bugger a lemur
To bolster your name as a pervert and schemer
The lemurs cry "Frink!" as a coy mating call
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
Antipodean pranks -- you can futter a wombat
Or strive with a 'roo in venereal combat
Or hump a goanna -- go on, do it all
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
A moose is amusing, a squid quite confusing
Or try on a rhino if you fancy a bruising,
Or mountin' a mountain goat (careful, don't fall!)
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
You could thrust with a thrush if you fancy a climb,
Or pork a few piglets if you have the time,
A skinhead's pet cat if you don't mind a brawl,
But the hedgehog can never be buggered at all.
"There's no place like home"
