Computer Funnies
Contents:
Poem
Computer Illiteracy
Internet Addict
Pentium
Poem
The following will only be understood by
someone who spends WAY too much time on a computer:
)(!*''#
^"$$-
!*=@$_
%*)(~#4
&[]../
|{,,SYSTEM HALTED
For all those
who just dabble in computers, allow me to read this to you:
Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash,
Caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash,
Bang splat equal at dollar under-score,
Percent splat waka waka tilde hash four,
Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash,
Vertical-bar curly-bracket comma comma CRASH.
Found in the Wall Street Journal:
Compaq is
considering changing the command "Press any key" to "Press
Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any"
key was.
***
A Dell technician received a call from an enraged customer because his computer
had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the
computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't
be taken personally.
***
Another Dell customer needed help setting up some new software, so the Dell
technician suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple
of friends", the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store,
the man said, "Oh, I thought you ment for me to find a couple of
geeks."
***
Yet another Dell customer was told to put his troubled floppy back in the drive
and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold, and was heard putting
down the phone, getting up, crossing the room, and closing the door to his
room.
***
And the last Dell customer (in this list :P) called to complain that his
keyboard had stopped working. He had cleaned it by filling his tub with soap
and water, soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and
cleaning them individually.
***
It has been rumored that there is a new support group for internet
addicts...They meet every night from 7:00pm to midnight on Compuserve.
***
Two children were overheard on the playground with a new version of an old
game: "OK now, e-mail beats fax, fax beats paper, and paper beats bulletin
board".
***
You might be a computer geek/Internet Addict...
If you want a 52X CRDOM for Christmas
If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal
point in the right place
If your wrist watch has more computing power than a P2-400
If you introduce your wife as mylady@home.wife
If your spouse sends you e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
If you don't even know where the dust cover to your PC is
If you have never backed up your hard drive
If you are aware that computers are only good for playing games, but are afraid
to say it out loud
If the sales people at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than the tires on your
automobile
If you can remember 7 computer passwords, but not your anniversary
If you can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting
If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life
If you paid more for your home computer than your automobile
If you know what http:/ stands for
If your four basic food groups are:
...1) Caffeine
...2) Fat
...3) Sugar
...4) Chocolate
Pentium?
1. Pentium. Little. Yellow. Different.
2. The doctor said that all that bending is hard on your Pentium.
3 " And here's another slide of Athens.." That's Helen standing in
front of the Pentium.
4. Thanks to our local industry, our fresh water supply is polluted with
Pentium (though the fish have gotten a lot smarter).
5. "Where, pray tell is Deuterium?" "Why, he's gone with Pentium
to the Oracle at Delphi."
6. You've tried dusting them.. You’ve tried spraying them...Why not Pentium?
7. Did you hear about the new dirty magazine in Latin? It's called: Pentium
Housium..
8. Whole Wheat Corn Goobers cereal now comes with 11 vitamins and minerals,
including Iron, Zinc, Palladium and Pentium.
"There's no place like home"